We at “Sportskeeda” believe in Inventions. We work day and night to get some innovative ideas to give our viewers the best. Our special agent Mr. Keedi-Master invented the Time-machine for the members so that we can go on and specially watch the matches of the Future. Now, we can bring to you matches from the future and you will get to know what is about to happen! So, the team of three authors and one enthusiastic West Bromwich Fan (Yes, even these fans exist 😛 ) were off for the El-Clasico of 2014. The team had Me, Mudita, Ajay and Akash as the West Brom fan. Keedi-Master had arranged for our arrival one day before the match so that we could experience the build-up to the most anticipated match in Europe.
We sat in the giant machine and zipped off to the Future. Everything went white for about five minutes. I felt weightless. After five minutes of weightlessness, we found ourselves in a street in Madrid. The match was supposed to be played the next day at Bernabeu. There was a pub right across the street. It was flocked with fans donning the White shirts. I ran into Sian Massey (the legendary female lines-woman) in the pub. She was supposed to officiate the match. I said, ‘Are you aware of the uproar you caused after you officiated the Liverpool Vs Wolves game a few years back? I mean, two Sky Sports pundits were….” “Yeah, yeah”, she interrupted. “Tell me something I don’t know.” So, I explained her, what the offside rule was. Mudita was furious. She never knew that the rule existed in the first place! Female football fans I tell you. There was a match from the Women’s FIFA World Cup going on. Mudita looked interested and so did the other boys. It made me nostalgic. The match reminded me of my childhood, the first time I was learning the controls to EA Sports FIFA.
I took some time off from the match and tried to get some latest transfers. Barcelona had already bought 17 new Players each being more costly than 35 million Euros. They even had a new sponsorship deal to go with the formation of 1-8-1. On the other hand Real Madrid had bought every player who had fared well in England to bolster their ranks. They had even made a surprise transfer of Howard Webb to their squad to compete with the numerous refrees bought by Barcelona. Manchester United were dejected, but this is how football is supposed to be. Unpredictable!
We had made a booking in a hotel. The next morning was a bit different than others. Birds chirped in a different way, Flags fluttered in a weird fashion. Akash was pissed at the idea of watching the El Classico that too on the new years’ eve. As we tried to kick him and wake him up, he got up and said, “El Clasico, a joke as usual. Some of the Real Players should be recruited for the Concordia rescue mission.”
It was really hard for us to get some news of the English Premiere League in Spain but we had to get that. We sure as hell love our clubs. Fernando Torres had missed for the 34738583th time for the Blues. Chelsea fans really can’t stand Torres’ misses. However reports suggest that John Terry loves her! Arsenal had signed “specially gifted sperms” as a part of their youth program. Space Agencies have confirmed that Andy Carroll’s first touch will be used for satellite launches. Manchester United had brought back Sir Bobby Charlton from his retirement as injuries haunt them. Amidst this news, the excitement for the big match could have been easily felt. We were supposed to go the Bernebaeu in the evening, that too the evening of 31st December, 2014 for witnessing the giants lock horns with each other.
Keedi-Master had given us special bug gadgets that would fly into the dressing rooms and give us an in-depth experience of the spectacle. It was Real Madrid Vs Barcelona. Ballet Vs Faceplants. It’s like the Old Firm Derby, but with Football. We had pretty decent seats. A priest, a pedophile and a racist sat next to us. He was a Barcelona fan. He gave us dirty looks as we sat there in our Real Madrid jerseys. I guess the dirty look was because of Ajay Baliga who wore the shirt with “I LOVE EMILE HESKEY” written on it. Kids, I tell you. The fans were discussing the probable tactics. They all agreed that Real Madrid need to keep their Back door shut. I guess my girlfriend would give loads of help to the players in that department. I released the bugs into the air to get some insight of what to expect. Both the bugs flew to the respective dressing rooms.
In The Catalan Dressing Room:
“Listen Up lads. We need to win this match. They have been a resurgent force and they have beaten us twice in a decade now. They are the bastards I hate seeing my team lose to. Head Butt them, tackle the crap out of them. Elbow them in the face. Tuck on their shirts and bring them to the ground. Here Alves, take this gun and shoot Ronaldo in the leg if he goes past you. And everytime they get the ball, the nearest player should go to ground. They will get carded and we will get the ball back. Pass it among yourself for about a thousand times and bore the hell outta everyone.” A sudden voice interrupted the inspirational talk. “Thanks ref, but Pep will take it up from here”, said the Assistant Coach.
In The Real Madrid Dressing Room:
“Pass the Ball to Ronaldo.”
“But if I have a clear chance of scoring?”
“Pass the Ball to Ronaldo.”
“But there’s no one in goal and I am six yards out?”
“Pass the Ball to Ronaldo.”
“But what if Ronaldo is substituted?”
“We are officially F*cked then. And Pepe please take the SledgeHammer out of your shirt. It’s visible for f*cks sake. Here take this Gun.”
It was time for the epic battle to begin. This wasn’t a match it was a battle. Both the dug-outs were separated by Bullet proof glass. Pinto had brought a bazooka along just in case Jose comes in firing range. Jose had brought tweezers to pinch any opposition player who dared to come close. All players were frisked before the match for precautionary measures. The whistle blew, and the match had started. Mudita started crying at the start. Girls and football never go well. She had become so emotionally engulfed with the fact that she was actually watching a live match.
Within three minutes we had the first card of the Game. Iker was booked because Dani Alvez had gone down in his own box. I saw no logic but well, it was Spanish football after all. There was a sound of a gun-shot after some time. Busquets had gone down along with Ronaldo. The timing had been same. The refree was unable to make out whether Ronaldo or Busquets was shot. Off course, Ronaldo had blood smearing all over his body but Busquets was a brilliant actor afterall. Ronaldo was booked for diving as He was taken to the Hospital right away. In the meanwhile, Dani Alvez passed the gun to the Linesmen.
Pepe swung the Sledge hammer and went onto miss his target. The hammer slipped from his hand and hit Jose Mourinho whose crooked jaw bone was repaired instantly. The match became a brawl now (as expected). There were steel rods and chains brought on to the pitch. Pepe had apparently jumped on Messi who was playing his game-boy, gifted by Xavi and Iniesta, from the ladder. He had thus overtaken John Cena as the World Heavyweight Championship. Jose Mourinho had hired snipers to shoot down Pinto but Pinto had seen through the idea. The match had been the sheen removed after 4 Real Madrid players were sent off for hiding in the dug-out. Barcelona were trailing after Xabi Alonso scored a 45 yard screamer. The time was 23:15 and it showed 89 minutes on the clock. I feared that it may be the first match that it would start in one 2014 and end in 2015.(due to the added injury time) But things stayed that way and Real Madrid had defeated Barcelona and had cracked the Catalan Juggernaut again.
© Supriyo Mukherjee
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